How I overcame intrusive thoughts about my sexuality.

I faced my scariest, intrusive thoughts and this is what I learned.

Your intrusive thoughts are not a true reflection of who you really are.

They could’ve been brought on by a traumatic event or from prolonged depression. Regardless, they are not you.

They are fear and ego trying to make sense of a scary situation.

The ego needs certainty, but you, the soul beneath it, only wishes to be present.

Intrusive thoughts can take on many different forms.

For me it was the fear of being gay. I was having intrusive thoughts doubting my sexuality and if I really loved my girlfriend.

Of course these thoughts didn’t make sense to me, but they felt so real.

The more I fought the thoughts and tried to make them disappear, the stronger they became.

I began to realize that the only way to get rid of the thoughts was by letting them breathe.

I needed to let the thoughts live in uncertainty.

It was terrifying, at first, to be in a mindset of “maybe I’m gay, maybe I’m not, idk…” But it was this approach through meditation and uncertainty that my truth started to return.

I didn’t have to force anything. Meditation taught me to let go and the truth will reveal itself.

That was almost 11 years ago. I have been happily married to that same girlfriend for 5 years and we raise our daughter together.

In summary, the only way to overcome your intrusive thoughts, is to observe them in meditation.

Once you create space between you and your thoughts, you realize that you are not your thoughts. You are the one observing them.

Then naturally, the intrusive thoughts fade away and truth returns.

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