What Therapists Get Wrong About Lesbian and Gay Couples

In this video, I talk about why gay, lesbian, and straight couples are not all the same in therapy, even though they share many of the same relationship struggles. I’m Dr. Joe Kort, a psychotherapist and director of The Center for Relationship Health, and I specialize in helping couples better understand intimacy, conflict, communication, sexuality, and emotional connection without shame or judgment.

I explain why it can be a red flag when a therapist says, “a couple is a couple,” without recognizing the unique differences between gay male couples, lesbian couples, and heterosexual couples. While all couples may deal with money, parenting, household responsibilities, conflict, and unresolved childhood wounds, LGBTQ couples also bring different social conditioning, relational patterns, and cultural experiences into the therapy room.

I also explore some of the patterns I often see in gay male couples and lesbian couples. Gay male couples may struggle with competition, emotional vulnerability, relational closeness, leadership, open relationship agreements, or recovering from conflict too quickly without addressing the deeper issue. Lesbian couples may struggle more with differentiation, emotional intensity, anger, desire discrepancy, or feeling overly merged in the relationship. These patterns are not flaws. They are often connected to how men and women are socialized from childhood.

Finally, I invite viewers to understand that LGBTQ couples deserve therapists who are trained, informed, and curious about these differences. My goal is not to stereotype couples, but to help people recognize that effective couples therapy should honor both what all relationships have in common and what makes gay and lesbian relationships uniquely different.

Timestamps/Chapters:
0:08 Why “A Couple Is a Couple” Is a Red Flag
0:31 Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Couples Are Different
0:45 The Doubling Factor in Same-Sex Couples
1:13 Common Struggles in Gay Male Couples
2:27 Open Relationships and Gay Male Couples
3:33 Common Struggles in Lesbian Couples
4:44 The Myth of Lesbian Bed Death
6:03 What All Couples Have in Common
6:31 Why LGBTQ Couples Need Trained Therapists

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjoekort/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drjoekort/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drjoekort
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joekort/
Twitter (X): https://x.com/drjoekort
Threads: https://www.threads.com/@drjoekort
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/drjoekort.bsky.social
Podcasts: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1750559/episodes
Website: https://joekort.com/