Bringing a Sex Toy Home: Will my partner think it's weird?

Cathy:
This is Hunter Riley from Self Serve.

Hunter Riley:
Hi Cathy.

Cathy:
It's great to have you here. I'm Cathy Vartuli from the Intimacy Dojo. We're here in the fabulous Self Serve. They have an amazing sex toy shop, sex positive education, women owned in Albuquerque. If you're ever in the area you should definitely check it out.

Hunter Riley:
Yes.

Cathy:
We were just talking about what kind of questions you guys get. I could totally see, you see something very cool in the sex toy shop and you want to bring it home but your partner's like, "Oh." You're worried about upsetting them.
What do you recommend?

Hunter Riley:
What I oftentimes recommend is one, you can bring something home and just try it with yourself first. A lot of people feel very uncomfortable with sex toys because they don't know how to use them and they don't know what to do.

Cathy:
Life starts getting small because you're not trying anything new?

Hunter Riley:
Exactly. Sometimes what I recommend is if there's something that you want to try, great, get it, take it home and have sex with it a few times because then you know what to expect. There's also this pressure sometimes when you're with a partner trying something new for the first time that one or both of you has to love it. When you do something for the first time sometimes it's awkward and sometimes you fall and sometimes you're like, "Well that did not go as planned." I oftentimes recommend taking something home and trying it out a few times by yourself and then you can frame it to your partner as, "Hey, I found this thing I really like. I found out some ways I like to use it. Can I show you?" You can put on a show and tell, then they are seeing exactly what you liked and how to use this thing. Maybe it's a vibrator, and maybe when they see a vibrator they think, "Okay, I put inside a hole." Maybe you're like, "No, I put this vibrator on the mattress and I grind on it."

Cathy:
However you want it?

Hunter Riley:
Right, exactly. They get the tutorial, the in-person tutorial of how to use this toys that your partner experiences pleasure and has a fun time and then they may feel more comfortable doing it. Again, not putting pressure on anybody, not saying, "I'm going to show you and then you have to do it." Just saying, "Hey, this is something I found that I liked," and then not to mention you're about to put on a really hot show for someone that you like. They might just be so turned on by the end of it that they're like, "Well, you just give me that thing and I want to try it now." I think that can be a nice way to ease into it without any sort of pressure and without your partner sitting there or maybe they're doing something to you and being like, "Do they like it? I don't know." Sometimes I think that's a good way to start.

Cathy:
That's great. I know that some partners they don't like to be surprised. They want to play, explore too. One of the things I love to do is recommend to my clients that they have a lab night where they're just going to practice. We're going to try this stuff, it may not work. That can be really hot too. That was horrible but it was so much fun to explore, and just accepting that you're both going to be awkward and you need to practice your voice, like, "That feels good. Oh, don't do that." That can be really powerful too.

Hunter Riley:
I completely agree with that. That's something I recommend for the blowjob class is I say, "Listen, I'm going to tell you about techniques and things you can do with your hands and your mouth and your partner might hate all of them." If you can say, "Hey, can we get together and try some of these things and let's just work on one or two tonight? We don't have to try them all and you don't have to love them all. We can just try it." I'll bet you'll probably have more fun trying the things than they're going to have their mind blown by this thing you just did with your hands. It's just fun that you're doing something new together. Again, that releases those yummy, yummy neuro chemicals in your body.

Cathy:
In love.

Hunter Riley:
The in love chemicals. Doing something new together can really help. Even if it turns out they're like, "You know that was fun, but please don't ever do that to my penis again." You're like, "Hey, no problem. I just had a fun time trying it."

Cathy:
You can also learn what your partner likes, what turns them on. Even by knowing what not to do there's contrast there.

Hunter Riley:
Absolutely. I think that's a really, really good piece of advice as well.

Cathy:
Thanks very much.
What would you do and what problems have you run into around this? Please leave comments below :)