Role Modeling on How To Talk About Your New Sex Toy With Your Partner

Cathy: So, we just did a video about how to talk to a partner if you want to try something new like a sex toy or new technique but sometimes it's hard, like you can clear all the concepts but unless you see it role model, it's kind of hard to go forward. So, we're going to role model it for you. I'm here with Hunter Riley from http://SelfServeToys.com/.

Hunter: Yes.

Cathy: And I'm Cathy Vartuli from http://TheIntimacyDojo.com/.

Hunter: Awesome.

Cathy: And you have a website too, right?

Hunter: I do have a website, it's a little bit under construction right now but it is http://HunterRileySexEducation.com/. One big long website name all squished together, all lower case, all one word.

Cathy: So, we thought we'll role model. Do you want to go first?

Hunter: Sure.

Cathy: Let's say, you found something fun at work and you want to try.

Hunter: Okay. This happens a lot.

Hey, Cathy. So I would shopping today and I kind of went to the sex shop and I found something that was kind of cool and it was really exciting for me. I just wanted to see, you know, maybe you would be interested in trying it with me and it's okay if you're not ready right now but I really am excited about exploring this new territory and I'd love to explore it with you but I also know that, you know, maybe you're not ready then for there for that yet so I just want to check in with you and see how you feel about that.

Cathy: What is it? Is it that giant pecker again this time?

Hunter: Well, maybe. This is actually a, let's call it a double penetration dildo.

Cathy: Interesting.

Hunter. Okay? It's a dildo that you can put on either a biocock or you can put it on another dildo and you can do double penetration with it. So if you don't happen to have another friend sitting around and...

Cathy: Hey, you!

Hunter: Hey, you! If you don't happen to have a friend like that sitting around you can create a situation where it feels like that friend is sitting around even if they're not.

Cathy: That would be fun.

Huner: Yeah.

Cathy: Yeah. I might be willing to try as long as we stop if I don't like it.

Hunter: Absolutely. And also, if you want it to, I can also use that on myself with another toy so you kind of see how it might look, you can get an idea of what that experience might be like and you can also see how much I like it coz maybe I've used it a few times already and I really liked it. It's really hot.

Cathy: I like your approach on that. It's very gentle and one of the things that I found is Hunter stayed.. you stayed within yourself when asking. It wasn't like, you have to say yes for me and it's going to be okay like there was no pressure. And if you can do that, it's hard sometimes to handle disappointment about that but if you can just like okay, I'm going to have fun no matter what, I'd like my partner to be part of that. That kind of make it easier for the other person to feel into what they are experiencing and go forward to that.

Hunter: Right. And I think taking the pressure off is a very powerful tool and often times when you do that, your partner is empowered to say yes or no and sometimes they find themselves at their yes just simply by the fact that there's no pressure to say yes. So, I find that to be a very powerful tool of just releasing my expectation of the situation and doing a lot of sex toy testing in especially sometimes with partners who are like can we just have non sex toy testing sex tonight and I'm like no we can't we're on a deadline. But sometimes that's the case when I'm really excited about a toy and I bring it home and partner's like 'ey' and I'm like, you know, that's okay actually this is really good to have those various perspectives and even if you're not testing sex toys it's good for your relationship knowledge to know okay, cool so we tried this toy I loved it, my partner was kind of mad but now I know that like, okay if I'm going to invest in these toys maybe my partner's not going to join me in that and that's okay we can have our different interest. Sometimes, if I don't like sushi, which I do, I love sushi.

Cathy: I love sushi.

Hunter: Please give me all of the sushi. Deliver it to my mouth. But if I didn't like sushi and you really did, that's okay. You can go have sushi.

Cathy: They can go ask their friends if they like sushi.

Hunter. Exactly. Or I just can go watch you eat sushi.

Cathy: Bring McDonald's happy meal and you eat the sushi.

Hunter: Exactly.

Cathy: I'd like to come back to another video on how to handle disappointment because I think if you know how to handle disappointment on sexual things it's always not easy and none of us were taught. But if you know how, then you start making it a lot easier. I have a lot of people like they're no and I'm like, okay thank you. And they'll come back later and go yeah, I think I want to try that now. Because there was no pressure there.

Hunter: Right.

Cathy: So, let's come back and do one on disappointment?